


FIRE

by juujuu



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Historical Inaccuracy, M/M, Reincarnation, Trials
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 18:58:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17209088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juujuu/pseuds/juujuu
Summary: Every meeting felt like a parting. Every word felt like a farewell. Happiness did not exist for them. There was only the snow and the wind and the longing and yearning and the ephemerality of it all.





	FIRE

Here lay the bee hive and all its secrets. 

The minister of rain sent the clouds eastward. They hovered over the mountain ranges of Bukhansan sending a violent storm to the villages below. The flames flickered in a dance only they knew and the shadows against the backdrop of the celestial hall sent something that was both ominous and great into Jinyoung’s heart. His chest was warmed from where his pendant sat under several layers of silk. His finger itched to have cool garnet in his hands. But heaven was unkind to those who show weakness and a lapse to its residents was the same as a cadaver to the vultures. The world was unkind only because its creators wanted it. Jinyoung had no pretenses about that. The fairies rung their gongs thrice. Cheonjiwang rose from his throne. Silence reigned the bees.  
It was time to receive his trial.

* * *

The rumored mountain ranges of Taebaeksan existed above the southern forests of the fox spirits. 

In the place where nothing thrived a gentle flurry of snow was building up to something catastrophic. Jinyoung’s robe whipped in blurs of black streak under the turbulent climate. He made his way north with the whistling wind accompanying him. Taebaeksan was no man’s land even for the immortals. Almost like a cruel joke, Jihoon lived at the apex of the ranges.

The shack was decrepit in ways shelter was not supposed to be. The door slammed to the rhythm of the wind and the roof shook under the pressure of the world and there was absolutely nothing luxurious about anything in this hellhole where even the goddess of the hearth had forsaken but there was nowhere else Jinyoung belonged. He found Jihoon in the bedroom, curled up in the corner with his knees to his chest and his eyes to the window his tragic silhouette holding all the sorrow in the world. He was not looking at anything in particular and he did not seem to be thinking of much (though later, Jihoon would tell him that there was too much for him to think so he chose not to). 

He moved closer and the pendant underneath layers of silk burned hotter – something warm, familiar and kind. He climbed onto the bed and pulled his lover close to him. He recalled Jihoon telling him once that he felt the safest in this mountain, in this house, in his arms. In his happiest, he wished for the rest of the world to fade so that there was only Jinyoung and the snow outside. A storm was brewing. They saw the white void and it was like nothing had ever really existed in the first place. 

“What are you thinking of?”

“Why do you come?”

“Why do you wait?”

This was how they communicated. The answer to a question was always another question. They had realized a long time ago that there was nothing simple about their relationship and words never really carried the same weight as their reality. Still, Jihoon did not know why he expected a different answer. 

“You hate Taebaeksan. You think it’s too cold.”

“It is too cold.”

“See. Why do you bother?”

“I don’t like Taebaeksan but…I like you.”

“How can you say such shameless things, Jinyoung-ah.”

“How can you be so pretty, Hyung?”

Jihoon was a fox spirit and fox spirits never really believed in sentimentalities but being in the safety of Jinyoung’s embrace softened something in him. Away from the chaos outside, he wished they could banter and exchange meaningless words until the end of the world came. There were things too tragic no one should ever go through twice. Jihoon thought this was one of those times. Every meeting with Jinyoung felt like a parting. Every word felt like a farewell. Happiness did not exist for them. There was only the snow and the wind and the longing and yearning and the ephemerality of it all. He kept quiet because he did not have the right words. He was not sure they even existed. He shifted in Jinyoung’s arms and in the soft glow of the night, his auburn locks looked alarmingly alive. 

“How was the ceremony? Did you receive your trials?”

Jinyoung nodded. “It was all right.” He fished into his robe. “I brought you a peach. It’s bigger than the last one I brought you. Are you happy?” 

“Only one? I’m sleeping with a god and this is what he spoils me with. Does any of this makes sense?”

Contrary to his words, Jihoon looked as if Jinyoung had gifted him Cheonjiwang’s throne. 

Jinyoung brushed the few pieces of stray hair behind Jihoon’s ear. His cowardice triumphed any guilt he felt for relying on Jihoon to continue the dreaded conversation no one wanted to continue. He might have been the protégé for the god of war, but in front of Jihoon, he was only Jinyoung and Jinyoung had always been weak and uncertain when it came to Jihoon. There were no lies. Only truths. 

“When…when do you leave?”

“When dawn breaks. Will you see me off?”

It was too soon. It would always be too soon. There was never a good time for parting. It was not like they could choose a good sunny morning or a day in spring or a day in winter or a time after the sunset or a time before the moon rose or choose a good auspicious day to say goodbye because regardless of their feelings parting would always come. They were no strangers to farewells. Words became meaningless. Actions hid their feelings. There were no secrets to separation.

“Someone might see us.” 

“I don’t think I can do it without you, Hyung.” 

He buried his face into the crook of Jihoon’s neck. Breathing was hard as if his lungs were not his own. The mixture of peaches, pine, and the distinct smell of winter invaded his senses and Jihoon held him tight. 

“Then I will be there.”

“When I return…will you be there too?”

“…I will be there.” 

“And after? Even if I’m no longer the same Jinyoung? Will you be there?” 

“Always.”

* * *

All living things were subject to trials. And all trials were written by the high goddess of fate, Samsin-Halmang. In her book of tribulations, each trial depicted your fate from birth to death. Trials could not be avoided. Samsin’s words were your destiny. And your destiny was your law. Jinyoung was no stranger to Samsin and her twisted field of imagination. No one in heaven and hell and earth was. He’d never asked to be born and he’d never asked to be immortal and he’d never asked for the glory nor the divinity nor the grace and power and the troubles of being a god. He’d never wanted to be Jinyoung the same way Jihoon never asked to be Jihoon. But these were their trials and these were their tribulations.

If it were up to Jinyoung, he would rather be a nameless and powerless man and Jihoon would also be a nameless and powerless man and together they would live the rest of their lives away from the rest of the world in a meaningless place where the snow fell and the wind whistled and the mountains came alive. To be the god of war, you must value nothing but the welfare of the people and yearn for nothing but peace and belong to no one but the state. When there was people, peace, and state, where was there room to allow for frivolous feelings like love and desire to fester? Where was there room for Jinyoung and Jihoon? 

They said the River of Oblivion was the saddest place in the entire world. It was where the air was the heaviest and the water was the murkiest and the sky was the darkest, where not even weeds grew in the cracks of the dirt beds and memories were erased as easily as sand in the ocean tides. But to Jinyoung, the saddest place would always be with Jihoon. The same way the happiest place would always be with Jihoon and the scariest place and the headiest place and all the feelings that were good and bad and everything in between.

* * *

“What if I don’t make it back?”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“Will you come find me?”

“You know I can’t.”

“Don’t make that face. How can I go when you look at me like that?”

“Then don’t go.” 

“…”

“Don’t go. Stay.”

“I’ll come back soon.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“I’ll come back to you. You know I always do.”

“You’ll forget me. Everything will become a dream after you drink the water.”

“How can I ever forget you? The relationship between you and I cannot be erase that easily.”

“Enough. Just…just go and come back safely to me.”

“Wait for me, Hyung.”

He was gone with the wind – truly gone and away where even the ends of his black robe were no longer visible and all there was were the calls of the crows and the rushing of the river inside his ears. 

“Don’t go,” Jihoon whispered but that too was caught in the wind.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit late but happy holidays! Wishing for everyone's happiness and health in the upcoming year.


End file.
